Recently a friend re-posted something on Facebook. Briefly it related the story of a young couple who married and decided, for the week of their honeymoon, not to open the door to anyone. The first day the young husband’s parents came to visit, but with difficulty he refrained from opening the door. The next day the young bride’s parents knocked on the door. After a pause she whispered “I can’t do this to my parents!” and opens the door to her parents. Then the details of the births of two sons and, when a daughter is born, the father throws a big party because “she is the one who will open the door for me”. Big snot and tears all round and a general feeling of mush.
But am I the only one to see the problem?
Stuff the mush and fuzzy feeling. Stuff the general teary-eyed, heart-string pulling last paragraph. The young bride broke her word to her husband on the second day of their marriage. Her promise to her new knight in shining armour meant nothing to her, nor his sacrifice the previous day when he kept his word. Forgotten the wise instruction to leave and cleave. And then we all celebrate this unfaithfulness and raise up, as a beacon of good (even of ethics), the fact that the little girl will one day follow in the footsteps of her mother.
That is where the problem lies. When we celebrate the wrong as being wholesome; when we give accolades to breaking of one’s word for the sake of a fuzzy feeling; when honesty, dependability and TRUST is given away for what is blatantly a lack of those very same things – that is when leadership and ethics are in serious trouble. No, don’t take me on with an “ahh – come on!” attitude. This is a root issue.
The out-working of even silently accepting this example is a leadership who does not take responsibility. Of politicians, cabinet ministers and others who shift blame and don’t take their sphere of influence seriously anymore. Of people who don’t keep their word; of people who will ignore contractual obligations and hide behind the fact that it costs money to sue them for performance; of senior management who chop and change their decisions and who eventually become the brunt of sarcastic joking. This is when a president of a country can act in ways that are clearly, openly and blatantly wrong (shall I dare say criminal) and the system is manipulated and others blamed for his lack of integrity, responsibility and example. That is when leadership becomes toxic. That is when we see Hitlers and the like rising with impunity. It starts with allowing the rot to creep in…
Let me take it from the other side: what would you teach your daughter out of that story? Would you seriously want her to follow in the young bride’s footsteps? Or would you somewhere, somehow, understand that it is not really the right thing to do, but still like the story all the same? Well, your young daughter does not have that bit of experience to know that it is, at the core, not right. Your parents and even community would have put that in you at a young age. If you don’t teach your daughter the difference at the same age, she will indeed be unable, one day, to know the difference.
That’s when we see the illogical, mind-numbing mess that our leadership is in today. That is when we need to learn about ethics 101 again – or perhaps for the first time.
Ethics & Leader- ship 